Today we’re covering a topic that resonates with so many of us: people pleasing. Inspired by recent conversations with fellow women entrepreneurs, this episode explores the ingrained habits that lead us to overcommit, undercharge, and undervalue our work. We’ll discuss how to break free from these patterns and prioritise our needs and business goals.

Key Takeaways:

Jo’s Personal Insights:

Jo shares insights from her own journey and from conversations with other successful women entrepreneurs, emphasising the importance of recognising our value and the impact of our choices on our business and personal life.

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Transcript
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Hello and welcome to Women in the Coaching Arena podcast. I'm so glad you are here. I'm Jo Lott, a business mentor and ICF accredited coach

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone):

and I help coaches to build brilliant businesses. I know that when you prepare to enter the arena, there is fear, self doubt, comparison, anxiety, uncertainty. You can tend to armor up and protect yourself from vulnerability. In this podcast, I'll be sharing honest, not hype, practical and emotional tools to support you to make the difference that you are here for. Dare greatly. You belong in this arena. Hello, welcome to episode 49 of women in the coaching arena. I am so glad you are here. Today's episode has been inspired by meeting some mastermind sisters. It's not my usual phrase, but other women that I know on this journey. And I met them yesterday in London. And I noticed certain themes that I wanted to talk about today because they are definitely challenges that I personally have. So the best thing about meeting other successful entrepreneurs is realizing you are not alone in your feelings, and this is pretty much normal. So that is what I'm hoping to do for you today. To help, you know, that if you do face any of these challenges, you are not alone. So we're talking about understanding people pleasing. People pleasing isn't just about wanting others to be happy though often that is a huge part of it. But often it's also that deeply ingrained behavior that stems from society expecting women to always say yes, be kind, be polite, be agreeable. I was certainly taught that when I was a child. And then it leads us into this cycle of overcommitment, undercharging, undervaluing our work in our business. And often also under prioritizing our own business goals and our own ambitions. Let's talk about the impact on women entrepreneurs in particular. Although I know men listen to this show and you are so welcome. So of the people that I was with on Friday, it came up for every single one of us. And the ways that we were talking about is saying yes to projects that don't align with our goals. You know, if someone asks to pick your brains or something, but your time is so precious and often you just don't have time to give those things away for free. So if you're anything like me and you have kids at school age, The list of invitations is endless. So, you know, can you come to do book change? Can you come and read to the children? Can you come and take them swimming? Can you come on the school trip? And while obviously I'm sure everyone is pretty much invited. Personal invites, usually go to women. So, for example, I was invited by the other mums to be a school rep. I was invited to be the school clerk. There are certain things that generally the men aren't invited to do. So therefore, when you are asked, you have that awful sinking feeling that you are not a proper mum if you don't agree to all of these things. And therefore it's super hard to balance your business success, which generally I'm running on a tight ship, you know, school hours, term time only. And every single hour makes a massive difference. So despite the fact I would love to go in and listen to children read every week. If you're already running your business on part-time hours every afternoon is so valuable. And will have an impact on your business. We also talked about those people who want to pick your brains and we shared ways of politely declining, because again, that's something I used to really struggle with. I actually don't anymore because I give a lot in this podcast. On my blog. In workshops. So that personal additional time needs to go to my paying clients. Fearing to negotiate better rates often comes up with people pleasing of wanting to create something for everyone's needs. To undercharge. And to assert boundaries with clients. It's easy to forget that this does affect your bottom line massively. And also takes a toll on the balance you feel in your life and of all of the women I've spoken to who are doing this work, we all seeking some time, some space, some peace to relax. Like that's what we ultimately want. And so this year I have a goal of pinning up if I'm saying yes to this, what am I saying no to, and to realize that it's genuinely taking away from impacting more people. For my business success. For my family. Something I've also noticed with my clients in particular, is taking on that extra toll for caring for elderly family, for example, but not just their elderly family, usually the husbands, elderly family as well. So often what can happen is you get seen as not having a job at all when you have your own business. And does impact, therefore, my business, if I allow it to. So I think it's back to really asserting those boundaries. Is this your responsibility? Is this something you want to do? And if so, are you happy with the consequences of saying yes to this decision? So let's talk about some strategies to overcome people pleasing. And while saying this it's also worth bearing in mind to be gentle. A lot of this stuff is carried down through years and years of history. It's not something that you can think, oh, why have I said yes again? It's so ingrained and therefore we need to realize that it's not our fault. It's something that we all as a society need to work on together. Here are some strategies so our favorite as coaches self-reflections so really going deep into why you feel the need to please. Is it a fear of rejection? Is it something projected on you? Is it really true? We think that people think terrible things about us if we say no, But it might not actually be true. Next up is set clear boundaries, define what you are willing to accept in your business and personal relationships and what you are not. If we agree ahead of time with ourselves what is, and isn't acceptable. It's so much easier in those moments to say no to a pick your brains call for example. Third is to practice assertiveness. so start by expressing your needs in low stakes situations. And gradually build up your confidence. Sharing strategies really helps, like one of these women that I was with on Friday. Literally shared her email that she sends back when someone says, would you like to meet up for coffee? And if she isn't able to meet up for coffee, cause most of us are running our business on a really tight ship, then it really can help to hear how someone else does this. And realise that it seems totally acceptable for them. Therefore it is probably socially acceptable for you to do the same. And my fourth is seek support. So again, surround yourself with a network of women who uplift and support you and your ambitions. Shedding that people pleaser label is empowering. It's about taking control of your business and your life. And these tiny, tiny steps that will make it better for our children to not get so much projected onto them. So, let me summarize today's episode. First up, we talked about understanding people pleasing. Next we talked about the impact of that as a woman entrepreneur. Next, we talked about some strategies for overcoming people pleasing. so self-reflection clear boundaries, assertiveness, and seeking support. And lastly we talked about how good it's going to feel when you shed this people pleaser label and really, really step into your business and your ambitions. So I would love to finish by reminding you that your needs, your time, and your expertise are valuable. Moving away from people pleasing doesn't mean you become less kind or less generous. It means you are choosing to honor your own needs and your business needs with the same dedication that you've always given to others. So thank you for joining me today. Like I say, at the end of every episode, trust yourself, believe in yourself and be the wise Gardner who keeps on watering the seed. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Women in the Coaching Arena. I have a mess of free resources on my website joannalottcoaching.com. That's Joanna with an A and Lott with two T's. joannalottcoaching.com. And I'll also put links in the show notes. Let me know if you found this episode useful. Share it with a friend and leave me a review, and I will personally thank you for that. Remember to trust yourself, believe in yourself and be the wise Gardner who keeps on watering the seed. Get into the arena dare, greatly and try.

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